I’m Not Coming Back Smaller. I’m Coming Back Wider.

Some of my colleagues have told me, some gently and some not so gently, that cutting my fees in half was a mistake. They say it diminishes my expertise and makes it look like I’m coming back as less than I was.

I understand how it might look from the outside. So I want to tell you why I did it, with the same radical honesty I ask of every client who trusts me with their story.

I am not coming back smaller. I am coming back wider.

What grief taught me that I wish I didn’t know

Three years ago, my son Aidan was killed by a drunk driver. There are no words for that kind of loss, and I won’t pretend to find them here.

In the months that followed, I learned something I had never fully understood, even after decades of doing this work. We assume grieving people are surrounded by love: family filling the house, meals on the doorstep, friends calling every day.

That isn’t always true. For so many people, it isn’t true at all.

My family did not come to either of Aidan’s celebrations of life. A handful of friends showed up, and then, one by one, they disappeared.

When harm arrives disguised as care

I survived a lifetime of narcissistic abuse, first in my family and then in my marriage. One month before Aidan died, I finally found the courage to leave.

After his death, I suffered a complete psychotic and mental breakdown. I could not take care of myself. The man I had just left came back, promising he was there to take care of me.

He wasn’t. While I was grieving our child and could barely function, he had affairs with women I had called friends. He bankrupted me. He became violent, and when my son tried to protect me, he hurt him too. Then he walked away and left me with the bills, at a time when I was too shattered to work.

I’m not sharing this for sympathy. I’m sharing it because I know I’m not the only one. Abusers often strike when we are at our most vulnerable, and grief, illness, and crisis can open that door wide.

What held me

Through all of it, one thing kept me holding on: knowing I was put on this earth to do this work. Getting back to my clients became my reason to heal. It was the light I kept walking toward on the darkest days and I made it back.

Why my fees have changed

Here is a dark truth I now know from the inside: the people who most need this kind of support are often the least able to pay for it.

Abuse takes more than your sense of self. It can take your savings, your credit, your home, and your ability to trust anyone again. Grief can rob you of your ability to work. Many of the people I’m meant to help are sitting exactly where I sat: alone, financially devastated, and convinced that no one is coming, and odds are no one is, so it is imperative that you have the tools you need to show up, for you!

I refuse to let price be the reason someone goes through that alone.

So I cut my fees in half. My work is not worth less. It is worth 10 times its previous value. I did it so more people can reach it.

I’m not less. I’m more.

Let me be absolutely clear: I am not coming back as less than I was. I am coming back as more than I have ever been.

I bring 28 years of experience as a holistic nutritionist, herbalist, apothecary, and energy healer. I’m certified in trauma, grief, narcissistic abuse recovery, Ocean Therapy, and life coaching. And now I bring something no certification can teach: I have lived it.

I know what it is to lose a child. I know what it is to be betrayed at your very lowest point. I know the isolation, the shame, the mind-numbing isolation, the rage, the excruciating loneliness, the paralizing fear, and the long, brave climb back to yourself.

I am more confident in my abilities than I have ever been. My value hasn’t changed. My reach has.

If you are where I was

If you are grieving and alone, if you are surviving abuse, or if you’ve been made to feel you’re too much, not enough, or too broken to come back, I see you. I was you!

You deserve support, and you do not have to do this alone.

Healing is the gateway to true freedom. I walked through it, and I would be honored to help you find your way through yours and if that means charging half and doubling the size of the net, so be it. It is an honor to be able to do what I know is meant to be...

With love and grace,

Ashton